Sunday, 15 May 2011

False Alarm?

I've taken two pregnancy tests so far and they've both come out negative.  **yay**  But I'm still not surfing, as it were, the crimson tide...  (The picture to the left is particularly apt since I am in fact the size of an elephant.  Even a heard of elephants)

So I guess I have no choice but to play the waiting game.  The waiting game sucks.  I hate the waiting game.  But I have no choice.  Unless I want to spend ridiculous amounts of money on pregnancy tests until one thing or another changes.  But would you believe I felt the tiniest bit disappointed after the second test came out negative?  It would be awful timing and a really bad idea, I honestly have no way of justifying this, but nevertheless, disappointed I was.  Ahh, the insanity of women.  **sigh**

Oh No!! How could this happen??

Spare me a lecture on the biological processes that go on, I think I've at least got that covered...  But how does a supposedly responsible adult, with one child with a serious neurological disorder, the other who seems ok for now (hear that?  For now...  That means that you should at least wait to find out what the deal is with baby #2 before starting all over again!!), who is planning on emigrating early next year at the latest!!  Tell me, how does that person fall pregnant??  Accidentally?!?

Now before you start judging and tutting, that's not what's happening here....  At least not yet...  What's happening here is that I'm very late and totally freaking out.

I don't do well with pregnancies.  I get sick.  I vomit at least 10 times a day no problem.  With my last pregnancy I had to get hospitalized because of complications.  I get hugely, hugely fat.  And no, not "awww, you're just carrying a little extra baby weight" fat, I mean, a cupcake away from morbidly obese fat.  Hungry Mouth 2 has only just turned 9 months!!  NINE FREAKING MONTHS and I'm still as fat as when I left the hospital with her.  Which will also mean she'll be 18 months when the new baby is born..  (Impressed by my mad math skillz??  I know I am!)  All this when our plan was only to start trying for a baby once the youngest had celebrated their 2nd birthday!  Hungry Mouth 2 was born exactly 9 months after Hungry Mouth 1's 2nd birthday...

18 months. is. not. enough. time!!  Both my children are still in diapers and I have not slept through the night since early summer 2010 when I got hospitalized and spent the rest of my pregnancy in severe pain.  It's not just about Hungry Mouth 2 though, I also would have wanted Hungry Mouth 1 to be a little older before adding more kids into the mix.  We've just started getting good therapies for Hungry Mouth 1, we're just starting to implement a new plan of action, I don't want anything to interrupt or interfere with that.

So how's The Mister handling all of this, you might ask??  Apparently not very well.  As soon as I nonchalantly asked him to pick up a pregnancy test for me on the way home I could literally hear his eyes narrow on the other end of the phone.  There was a lot of spluttering and half finished sentences ended with "Oh, I'm going to be so angry at you if you are".  Okay, Mr Jack-Holio, blame it on ME.  Cause it's only my fault, I caused this all on my very own.

I felt the below video probably says it best:

"Even though the blame's on you, I'll take that blame from you"

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Motherhood **runs away screaming**

Things I hate about being a mother in no particular order:

*Actually fighting someone for the pleasure of wiping the crap off their ass.

*Getting peed, puked or pooed on.

*Getting no sleep cause apparently Hungry Mouth 2 has developed a "keeping eyes closed" allergy.

*Getting no peace during the day because said child could only manage two 15 minute naps!

*Cooking over and over again, only to have child the food is meant for (Hungry Mouth 1) refuse it all and ask for cereal/bread with jam/ice cream/chocolate.  This happens every meal people!

I mean seriously, why even bother?  Why don't I just make croutons out of jam toasties, dump them in some cereal along with some chocolate buttons and whack a scoop of ice cream on the top?  It would make my afternoons/nights much easier and if he gets too hyper, couldn't I just throw him in the neighbour's yard for a few weeks days hours?

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

My Dirty Mistress...

That's right.  This blog is meant to be like my dirty mistress.  I have my real blog over on <inaudible>, but I realized that since it's your average, run of the mill mommy blog, I wouldn't be able to really let my hair down, talk about any and everything that comes to mind.  I have to keep some semblance of respectability and responsibility.  **Chokes back laughter**

I can't very well talk about raising a special needs child one day and then blog about getting tanked with a couple of porn stars and a few ounces of rock the next.  Wait, hold up...  Sorry, that was Charlie Sheen.  But still, you know what I mean.

So anyhow, I started this blog a couple days ago and celebrated.  Finally.  I have somewhere to spill my guts: a dark, damp, beer stained, urine smelling corner of the internet to call my very own.  As luck would have it though, it seems all my naughty thoughts took a swan dive right out the window and took any creativity I might have had with them.  Writer's block, naughty amnesia, stage fright of the inappropriate.  With the possible exception of my recent Eminem dream, I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. べつに。


N.B.  Although you may see me write in Japanese throughout this blog, I myself am not Japanese.  I just love everything about the country and the language and am trying (though failing miserably) to show off what little I learned back when I actually had a life and was able to pursue my very own interests.

N.B to the N.B.  All the news coming out of Japan is really heart wrenching.  I can't imagine what they're going through yet they manage to navigate the worst humanitarian disaster we've seen for some time with such dignity and grace.  I only hope they stay strong and manage to move forward despite the devastation.  My heart bleeds for them and all they've lost.

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Willkommen, bienvenidos, bienvenue, wilkom, ようこそ

Welcome to my insanely happy neck of the woods.

The cartoons on the top of the page are a true likeness of my gorgeous and loving family.  I'm the big, green, Jabba-the-Hut looking type with drool hanging out my mouth.  Hungry Mouth 1 is a toddler, he's the one on the right, you know, with his mouth wide open, constantly shouting and marveling at nature's wonder.  Hungry Mouth 2 is the baby of the family.  She's the one in the red, wishing she could put that sweet little birdie with all it's chirping splendour in her mouth.  You can't really see The Mister cause he's smushed under one of my hoofs, quietly crying for help.

So that's us...  I hope you enjoy hanging and getting to know the chaos that is our family.
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